A Trojan horse, or virus?

I found her swaying like a reed in the wind, asking why I could not speak, challenging me to believe that all was as it should be. My response of “It’s time you owned up to being an alcoholic,” was greeted with silence, resentment, a twisted expression which betrayed both hatred of what had been said as much of herself. What caused this? How to control or cure it? Time has proved there is no answer to these questions except for the alcoholic. What had happened to this beautiful and talented friend, this Trojan woman with looks and personality who radiated her attractiveness in her small but trusted coterie of friends? Maybe the secret was there, hidden in her past. Was it insecurity, this need to be liked? Was it self-deprecation, low self-image, or lack of confidence? Was it inherited …. are the sins of the ancestors dumped on our children? Questions, more questions, always questions! Answers, never! 

 And so, I look back over years of abuse, firstly enjoyed, then tolerated, never challenged, abuse which addles the mind, the judgement, the emotions and dumps upon a homeland beach this human wreck with no mast, no rudder, and no compass. And of the crew, where are they? Just one or two left, those who cannot, through love, indecision, confusion or blame, drag themselves away, and suffer but do not share the guilt. Who are these people? A mother maybe, a husband, a brother or sister, a friend? Fewer than the fingers on a hand, they dither, not knowing what to do, to challenge, to resist, to support without a word, and all tortured in their hearts and minds, distracted by the turmoil, unable to sleep or even to slump in a chair. 

What is human spirit? From where do we gain the strength to challenge and to fail, to try and try again against this evil ghost that haunts our every thought and action? The seeds of our destruction are within, and once planted, like some virus within the register, remain to regenerate at any time. Yet, when we see that pregnant look of potential unfulfilled, dare we hope for a future with a smile. Take a chance, risk it, our minds demand. Nervously, cautiously, desperate for self-belief, our friend and goddess offers us her hand. She is secure, not cured! She is responsible for this hope … is it misplaced? We have no choice but to obey; we cannot and dare not fail her. If she has strength, then so must we. If she has faith, we must believe. As for hope, it is not changed … there to be greeted like the dawn of a new day, the day that Trojan horse was locked up but not away.