Reflections: one week in!

It's Thursday 9th June and how much have I learnt in a week? Probably not much but so much more than I knew last Thursday. It's bin day, blue bin day when I put out all the paper and card from life this week, a bin full to the brim!

Would that I could so easily dispose of my tumour, that great lump invading my stomach! "It doesn't look good," said the surgeon. "What we plan is ........., "said the consultant as he detailed life for the next few months, and reassured with his professional and calm voice that this evidence-based medication would work and the cancer would be beaten.  I see surgeons as engineers not medics, ever since they rebuilt Jake's heart. Let's hope my judgement works out.

So, a week in and having a reasonable day when I can at least type, how do I feel?  Yesterday, the worst day of my life, looking at those pink pills and asking, "Really, are you going to save my life? WTF is in that pill? I don't do pills ever, so these are life-changing moments for me; anyway let's hope so! Rosie says that Chemo is my best friend, so embrace it ...... after what it did to me yesterday? yes!  I couldn't even pick up and read messages on my mobile.  Energy? what is energy? I didn't have any, and I felt like shit all over.

Today is better. Alternating between bed and up but not about, I've been able to read and write comfortably, even welcomed a visitor or two, and they didn't stay too long. Remember Rosie's missive ..... use your fuckit list!

Time now to rest before tea and more of the pink pills, so signing off in the hope that I can stay awake for the BBC news which I have slept through for each of the last three days! The world might have ended without me noticing!